Off she goes

So here we are, 2020 and it is the end of an era.
I feel such a mix of emotions as my youngest ventures off to big school. I am so thrilled for her as her excitement is palpable...yet the other night when I went in to check on her before I went to bed, I started sobbing at the thought of not having her home with me anymore.

It feels like I am stepping into a new phase of life and I am not sure I am ready for it. I mean, it's happening regardless of whether I'm ready or not, but strangely, I don't find comfort in this fact.
Bottom line is, I will miss her. I will miss her little hand in mine as we walk through the shopping centre. I will miss ordering a babycino with my morning coffee. I will miss negotiating food purchases in the supermarket (okay, maybe I won't miss this part) but I will definitely feel that space; that empty car seat, that deafening silence as I arrive home after school drop off, the stillness.

My baby marched into school this morning with her head held high, and whilst I am so proud of her confidence and relieved at her capabilities, my heart feels heavy with an indescribable sadness.
It is the end of a phase of life I have known for ten years. A new phase begins and whilst change is inevitable and can be exciting, I think it will take a little time for me to adjust.