Her and I

Miss Two and I are finding our new rhythm with both boys now at school.

Today we grocery shopped together, arguing (as we do every. single. time.) about whether she will sit in the trolley or whether she will walk. Sometimes I win like I did today, but mostly she ends up walking. We grab a piece of free fruit from Woolworths and collect what we need, stopping every few seconds to put items we don't need back in their place. She is so quick to reach out and swipe items off the shelves!

We return home and potter in the garden, planting herbs or tending to the fruit trees. She digs dirt out of the garden while I sweep it back into the garden. She loves to help water the plants.

We build houses out of Duplo and role play with the twin Duplo men, Tim and Tom. They have a pet horse Beau - 'because Beau is a good name for a horse isn't it Mama?'

After lunch we argue again about nap time. I tell her she needs to rest, even if she doesn't sleep. All the while I was thinking 'I need to rest, so please sweetheart, will you rest?'
She puts up a good fight but she ends up sleeping. So do I.

When nap time is over we watch Play School together and I smile at hearing her little singing voice copying the songs. She has a milk arrowroot and I sip my tea.

We pick the boys up from school and she delights in wandering the school grounds as though she owns the place. She waves to people and says hello and when her brothers run out at bell time, her face lights up with joy.

These are some of the best days we will have together, her and I.

I See You

I see you...
as you make the breakfasts, lunches and dinners every day
loading the dishwasher and washing the dishes
washing and hanging and folding and ironing pile after pile of clothes
mopping up spills and cleaning pee off the toilet floor
hiding in a room for just a moments peace

I hear you...
crying in the shower after a tiring day
losing your tempter and yelling at the child who just won't listen or respond
answering the same questions over and over
on the phone making appointments and play dates and meetings and paying the bills

I know you...
have nights in bed when you wipe tears from your eyes as you lay in the dark
sometimes think that you are the worlds worst mother and that you've failed
get tired from hearing your name called seven hundred times a day
wish that some days would just end

I understand...
The guilt
The ache
The love
The fear
The joy
The mess
The noise
The wonder
The strain
The pressure
The pride

I see you. I hear you. I understand.

You're doing a good job. You are a good mother.

Your First Day

Master Five, today you let go of my hand and walk into a new world. A world you will navigate without me there by your side. I will guide you as best as I can from home, but this is a time that I will always remember in your life, a time when you became more independent and more brave and courageous.

This morning you wouldn't let anyone come into your room and shouted out 'nobody look!' and then you strutted into the kitchen fully dressed in your new uniform. Your big brother quickly ran to you and fixed your collar which made my heart ache and filled me with pride.

My boy, you are ready, I know you are. Even if I feel like I may not be quite ready to let go, I know you will be fine. You will be more than fine.
Kid, you will move mountains.