New Start

Last week Master Five started his Kindergarten orientation. He was super excited and I was excited for him.

As for next year when he begins school, there are some really mixed feelings about how I want it all to go. I mean obviously I want nothing more than for him to feel content and excited about school but surely it's equally as heart-breaking for a mother either way. If he clings to my side and holds me tight on that first day my heart will ache for him, for us - but how nice for a mama to feel so loved.
I will mourn our young, innocent days of endless questions and hiding in the same hide-and-seek spots. I will hold him just as tightly and silently adore that he would prefer to stay with me...
but that's silly (and selfish) mother emotions playing games.
And so instead my heart will ache as he marches off, head held high with not a single glance back to tell me he is apprehensive just like him mama.

Perhaps there is a middle-ground which is likely and just as crushing. Perhaps the most crushing of all scenarios. Perhaps we will hug, he will march off confidently and turn to his mama who is fighting back the tears, and he will give me his biggest, most striking smile that tells me 'it's okay Mama, I'm ready... and you'll be okay too'

...and with that he will turn on his heel and strut into a new, big world without me.

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